Nov. 30th, 2014 10:40 am
panshiko: (Default)
The only holiday tradition I like is getting new crap. I have mixed feelings about gifts because sometimes people give me bullshit which becomes junk that clutters my basement or a source of guilt disposing of it. But the crap I buy myself is always good.

I got 30% off [The Art of Dragon Age: Inquisition]( I also got steam games Dark Souls and Hotline Miami for $7.

So I like shopping on Black Friday, but online, not actual stores. More deals can be found all year long on [slickdeals]( but it's especially helpful during the holiday sales.

I am desensitized to the holiday shopping violence. It happens every year. Not exactly shocking. But while getting trampled at the store happens and is covered by the news, it probably won't actually happen to you. So be reasonable and less dramatic.

My dad wanted to take me clothes shopping so I went to an actual store today. It was not crowded, but their computers weren't working correctly. The register froze, so they needed to ring up all of the clothes again. However when I got back I realized they must have left half of my items at the first register. So we returned to get the clothes we left behind. That was annoying, but I have some smaller skinny jeans and some nice new sweaters.

Conventional wisdom says that it's easier for skinny people to shop for clothes so maybe I am a fucking moron and blind, but I always find the stock of smalls and extra smalls frustratingly thin. There were several shirts I wanted available in large, extra large, extra extra large, maybe medium, rarely small and almost never extra small. It was also hard to find jeans in the color I wanted, but from sizes four and up the stock was much better.

I bought a pair of size 0 jeans, do I get some kind of prize for that? But I bought mostly size 2s and they appear to be the exact same width of the size 0s in the other brand so I don't know. [Women's clothing sizes are a joke.](

Last time I went they had sub-sizes such as "size 2, fit 1-6" which they seem to have dumped in favor of descriptors "small, medium, and curvy". My new size 2 small jeans seem to be smaller than my old size 2 fit 4 jeans.

I only had one pair of skinny jeans before. Now I have multiple pairs! Yay! Skinny jeans differ from other boot cut jeans in that they are much more snug around the calves and ankles. I appreciate this because it helps keep my legs and ankles warm.

Every time I tell my dad what size I am he doesn't believe me and attempts to buy me the 10-12s I wore in middle school. Right now he thinks my low-rise jeans fit fine because I have way too much extra crotch room thus end up pulling them up way past my belly button to keep them from falling off, and he doesn't get how low rise jeans are supposed to fit.

I recall in grade school how he'd always get me huge uniforms. The rule for skirt length was no higher than three inches above the knee and my skirts were so long they went halfway down my calves. (Other girls would roll their skirts up at the band to make the skirts shorter temporarily).

Also got a belt so my old jeans will be more wearable. It's red with a pretty pattern. And acquired a new hat! I can't find my other hats.

One of the things I'm asked, when someone they learns my husband isn't the one supporting me completely, what happens when my dad dies? And I was just like I don't know, that's depressing for many reasons, not just because I'd have less financial support and have to depend on my much flakier husband if I still can't find a good job by then.

Today my dad wanted to discuss what would happen to his assets if he died. I learned I'd get way more money than I'd know what to do with if that happens. So it's good I don't have to worry about that, I guess. I am surprised there is so much because there's no sign of his wealth when he barely spends the money he has. He's hoarded it for me apparently. I mean, my dad means more to me than the money he's put aside for me but I think it says something about his dedication as a parent and self-control that he's not spending it all himself like my husband's parents do.

My paternal grandfather was actually way wealthier than my dad and left dad a large sum of money, despite the fact that he had several children. My dad really appreciated that and wants to do the same with me. He says I should look forward to it. My dad is annoying but not so much that I want him to die so I can have his money. But It is a relief knowing that I can't reasonably fear becoming wretched poor even though I am kind of worthless at functioning like a capitalist and will be for a few more years at least, probably.
panshiko: (tripface)
I always think people have more choices, not less. Personally, bisexuality seems like a rational choice as the best sexuality, because I try to make decisions about love and sex non-impulsively. Although this seems retarded coming from someone who married at 17 to someone I started dating six months before, right? Well, I thought about it a lot! I dropped out of school so I wasn’t busy with that bullshit. I had a lot of time to sit around and think!

Well, it is a choice for me, but maybe not so much for others. Maybe others are born with this libido that makes decisions for them, such as only be attracted to bizarre expectations and crazy shallow bullshit as far as I can tell.

I have discussed how I doubt that being gay is totally determined by genetics, because I do not understand how both gay gene and ancient Greece can exist in our consensus reality. Is there a gene that causes you to fit all of the other homosexual stereotypes too?

I sense some other motivation in this gay gene theory, a victimizing, pitying sort of bad influence. When Nietzsche criticized pity, he wasn’t talking about not having compassion for other people, he was criticizing some kind of self-martyring mental complex he called nihilism.

Gay gene theory further victimizes gay people. The point is, we should be free! to make choices! to do whatever we want and whoever we want for whatever reason! Not we should be ashamed that I can’t help being gay because it’s genetic so if I had some other choice I’d be straight because this life is difficult and oppressed. Because if you’d really make that choice…then…why…are you gay?

Hello DW

Aug. 16th, 2014 02:46 am
panshiko: (Default)
How much does your dog resemble you? My dog has another ear infection. I also had ear infections. I had many illnesses and colds which eventually lead to pneumonia. I was hospitalized and nearly died at five years old. Penicillin saved my life, but I had an allergy to it, so it nearly killed me also. I got a rash and everything, but, it didn't show up typically, so that was why everything was nearly a catastrophe. But, I survived. A very dramatic story. Hopefully my dog doesn't go through as much drama.

Pink Floyd songs terrified me when I was a toddler. I shit you not songs that terrified me: Money and Time. I screamed and screamed. These are some of my first memories. My Dad would play Pink Floyd loudly when I was a child. If Pink Floyd wrote a song called Math I'd probably still need to be on anti-psychotics.

My Dad was kind of an asshole sometimes and a hippie Skitzophrenic apparently. What a complex Dad! Ultimately a good guy. Alcoholic. Nicotine addict who quit. Skizophrenics are often nicotine addicts and often alcoholics but THERE ARE ALCOHOLICS EVERYWHERE WHOAH.

I'm pretty sure it's legal to name your child Fuck in the state of Kentucky. Someday I will compile a list of interesting uniquely American freedoms such as that one.

I was kind of mean to my DM because he thought anybody with a computer could become Skrillex. I do not know why my DM wants to compare himself to Skrillex, but says things like anyone with a computer can make dubstep. I think yes, anyone with a computer can make dupstep, that doesn't make it good dubstep. Any two human beings with a hand and fingers can press the same button on a piano and make the same noise, but that doesn't make them equal musicians. DM refuses to acknowledge that someone like Skrillex can be talented because he uses a computer to make music. Who is the asshole? My husband says the asshole is me. My husband says, just be nicer. Maintain the illusion. Encourage the DM to make shitty dubstep.

If he has a fucking two year education in audio and makes money selling instruments at Sweetwater, why are his feelings hurt by the opinion of someone like me? I don't think my DM should be trashing Skrillex.

If I apologized to my DM that would probably just humiliate him further?

Just cleaned up stuffing spread everywhere because my dog ripped it open. These toys are stupid. They should be way more durable. Planned obsolescence of dog toys makes me want to jump from a cliff because all of this gonads and strife and everything is so worthless.

Recently read aloud my diary I kept from when I was 9 years old to my husband. I found it stupid, cute, funny, and sad. Considering scanning it and uploading it...
panshiko: (Default)
Someone on reddit asked for money saving tips and I ended up writing this really long post that I thought was pretty awesome in my humble opinion (but maybe I am a bit self-absorbed since I usually like reading what I write myself). At the end I wrote a few paragraphs on how to save money on various drugs.

I should have added: don't go to a stupid private college.

Avoid renting. Get a mortgage if you can. Find a small and inexpensive house. Look online for yourself at a place like Zillow; Don't trust your realtor to show you the best houses. Ours seemed to want to put us in the biggest and most expensive house possible.

Buy and use a wood pellet stove to heat your house. It costs less than $400 to heat my home for a whole winter. Mine was about $1700 but this was when there was a special tax break for getting them which isn't available anymore I don't think.

If you can afford it invest in green energy saving appliances and insulation for your house. Replace old & shitty drafty windows or doors. Get thick black-out curtains to block out the sun and heat during the summer and cold in the winter.

Other than mortgage, car, and other necessities when you have no other options, try to pay with cash/debit card and avoid debts and paying interest. Don't ever do pay advance, check-into-cash places or rent-a-center type places.

Pirate most of your entertainment and software. Prefer free and open source software. Don't pay for cable or satellite television. Prefer Netflix or Hulu.

When you buy new books, Kindle books are generally less expensive, more convenient, and more fun than paper books ('cause I like gadgets). Reading on my Kindle paperwhite's e-ink screen will use less energy than other electronic screens.

Avoid using disposable AA & AAA batteries. Prefer rechargeable batteries and devices which plug into the wall.

If you live alone or with people you trust, be a nudist in your house and do less laundry.

Learn to make your own deodorants, soaps and other hygiene and cleaning products with ingredients such as baking soda. You can find the recipes online.

If you have periods, use a reusable menstrual cup instead of disposable menstrual products.

You never ever ever have to change LED lightbulbs. CFL/fluorescent lamps are my second choice. Don't ever use incandescent bulbs.

If you like and want to buy video games, play them on PC and get them through Steam. Do not get them when they first come out. Wait for the summer and holiday sales. If you like gaming on a television get an HDMI cable and xbox controller with USB adapter.

Don't buy Apple products.

Don't use an inkjet printer. Use a laser printer. If you have to print at all. I use a tablet and avoid printing whenever possible. If you go to work in an office or school, use their printer. When I want to have books on paper I pirate them, print them on three-hole paper using my duplex laser printer, and put the papers in a binder.

Try to buy supplies such as toilet paper and non-perishable food items in bulk at a place like Costco. Costco is also a good place to shop for other items. It is also a good place to get prescription medications. They are an extremely ethical company and have a very good return policy.

Find off-brand and generic alternatives to name brand products.

Try to buy products that are very durable and will last a lifetime and not break even if you have to pay more for them initially. Use consumer reports and look up online reviews to find these products. Also, the products that professionals use can be more durable and more useful and worth learning how to use.

Laptops that are made for businesses cost more up front, but are more durable and higher quality than most entry level and consumer laptops.

Drive a Prius. We get at least 40MPG, up to 60 on the highway. Or, and this can waste a lot of time depending on where you live, but you could use public transport and not drive at all. I actually don't know how to drive so this is what I do, but this is kind of frustrating and limiting where I live. But if I lived in a bigger city with nicer transport it would not be so bad.

If you can, work at home or telecommute and avoid commuting.

I have never done this, but I have always wanted to grow my own food and keep chickens for the eggs.

This is more manual labor, but if you have a lawn you can use a push reel mower instead of one that consumes gas.

Dungeons and Dragons is a cheap hobby and good way to meet cool people in your area.

If you order enough stuff online from Amazon, Amazon Prime can save you some money on shipping costs.

Avoiding drugs all together is the cheapest way to go, buuuuut I really enjoy drugs; I have done a lot of different ones. Buying them online with bitcoins is less expensive, better quality and probably safer than from the street or some person you know.

MXE is good, relatively safe, and it is what I do most because it is just about the most cost-effective high out there in my experience. It is currently grey market in the US (so not actually controlled/penalized by the government). Plugging it is the most efficient route of administration other than injecting into your veins which is scary and not worth doing.

If you like weed, investing in a vaporizer will use the weed more efficiently. After vaporizing you can then smoke it, so you get to use it twice.

If you like nicotine, e-cigarettes are less expensive and healthier than conventional cigarettes. Don't get a random e-cigarette without doing any research to find a good one however, because you will probably get a shitty one that doesn't work. Do reading online or go to a e-cigarette store and ask for their advice. If you absolutely must use conventional cigarettes, you can buy them online from Indian reservations and these are not taxed. If you like hookah, just go to a hookah bar occasionally, don't buy a hookah. Those are shitty and expensive and break all of the time and are not worth buying.

If you like alcohol, brew your own beer, wine, and/or moonshine. This will be less expensive and way higher quality than you can ever afford.

Someone already mentioned not going out to eat and not buying liquor at a bar, but this is worth repeating.

MBTI stew

Jun. 20th, 2014 11:40 pm
panshiko: (Default)
How does a writer write about someone who is smarter than them? Make them alien or magical somehow?

INTJ super perception of people who are other MBTI types, question. super villan: WRATH OF KHAN!! super intelligent eugenics humans.

I know of co call-ed INTJs, they write things. Holmes? Chamberlain? Powerful, destructive people. solving crimes, Villainous, no? certainly villainous enough, for being violent and warlike people waging wars?? historians or something?

I am INFP... what do I know about INFPs??? we seem to whiny about what is "fair" and "right" all of the lawyers whatnot. more diminutive. lawful alignments in D&D. paladins. haha. cute but affective. also pawns!! of some evil win or lose playing game!! conspiracies probably.

These are just concepts of imaginary fiction personalities.

Sexualizing concept types: ENFP, Areli, the polyamorous pansexual red-headed elf. she's so pretty. so pretty and magical. literally pretty magical girl elf!! wow! she's a fucking unicorn! she's a beautiful pure fucking unicorn, fucking everyone around in her magic tower of sexy magicians in robes like Anders, that bastard, who is also always escaping the tower full of magical lesbians, WHY??? whY WOULD YOU DO THAT?? WHY WOULD A MAN DO THAT? mysterious indeed. he must be... totally gay. Anders is incapable of loving elven pansexual magical women, even though he will try, because he's oppressed! the gays are always oppressed and will die tragically!!

how do you make ENFP magical elf horrifying character?? throw her in a magical refrigerator!! the templars make that machine.

what is it like to have sex with a wizard?? Howl's Moving Castle?

Is the fictional Howl a super villian, who supposedly ate the hearts of his young female lovers?? Howl was more of an INFP in the movies, in the books, he's INTJ.adaptation.. whenever media is adapted to other types it automatically becomes more interesting. What did they change? Why?

ultimate super villians: the borg. they are scary machines who adapt to everything and have no identity!! sex is irrelevant!! surely?? they have no MBTI TYPE!! they have assimilated that!! villains destroy all of the types. that's why they are villains!! there must only be one ultimate super-villain!! unless he is an ultimately super villain communist?? arrgh cannot decide who deserves to die, the many or the few?

in television, everyone is just friends. in movies people fuck at the very end. passionate but frustrating!

Cable television... is not movies or television. It has super villains fucking forever onscreen. It's high-tech fictional pronovision. it is our god!! fuck, Game of Thrones is ending. Ohhh nooo. I will have to watch some inferior television like HOLMES?? ugh. Kumberbatch specializes in horrible cunning victims. Sexy and creepy? INTJ supervillian: khan?? what kind of khan? one is dangerous and the other creepier.

The violently oppressed bisexuals and straight people outlive the magical hyper-sexual gays AND elves. in this cruel, cruel world. that's why the are minorities! poor them.

MBTI types, like anything, vessels, not actually real people.

I never did actually attempt to describe an INTJ. The protagonist is supposed to be this type. A delegate leader who accomplishes through no real charisma other than fantastic competence. Someone like Tom Baker's doctor (not familiar with other doctors) or House. (curse my odd infatuation with that overall stupid medical drama!!)

Current and probably better (compared to House anyway) overall stupid but amazing TV occupation: Arrow

Still no THRONES... Aaaaagghh. Must now throw myself at the mercy of book fans who have been enthralled in a much more agonizing wait no doubt.

Oberyn Martell, the Red Viper: ENFP.

Tyrion Lannister: More talented but uglier in the books. Interesting trade off occuring there. I might like glamorous movie version better, interesting adaptation question is, which victimizes him further? does this trade off change his type?

Zefran Cochrane, Star Trek First Contact, reminds me of Tyrion. "Don't try to be a great man, just be a man, let history make a judgement."

So many great lines such as,

Dr. Zefram Cochrane: A group of cybernetic creatures from the future have traveled back through time to enslave the human race... and you're here to stop them?

Cmdr. William Riker: That's right.

Dr. Zefram Cochrane: Hot damn! You're heroic.
panshiko: (Default)
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Mar. 16th, 2013 11:30 pm
panshiko: (Default)
I am able to balance a budget on part time minimum wage, can you? I have no credit history. Somehow, I am legitimately brilliant at balancing budgets through personal austerity. And I have a fucking math learning disorder with ADHD and THAT'S NOT ALL!

Once upon a time, I got a job at McDonalds, who promised me full time hours. Tragically, I suck at flipping burgers. So, they changed their mind about my hours, and I started working part time. They told me this was only temporary, but they lied. Before I worked there for nine months, I planned my life around a verbal agreement, but I didn't get that agreement on contract, so I had to eat shit. My husband and I got pretty fat, but both full and part time workers were entitled to $4 of free food every day. The free food was more worthwhile in helping us function than my paycheck. When I was working full time, I earned about $40 a day. But when they cut my hours, they didn't cut the free food I was entitled to as an employee meal. So I never bought groceries for nine months. I shared my employee meals with my husband. That's how I worked at McDonalds part time without charging anything to credit cards or starving to death.

Let me explain capitalism: In economics, capital is already produced durable goods that do stuff, and all money is stupid and meaningless. Credit is corporate welfare. It is totally unfair that we spend so much on corporate welfare and so little on people welfare. Because jobs suck.

In all of my years on OD, I have attempted to bait random people into an argument over politics, and I have never succeeded...until you. The only people who note me on politics do so to agree with me. I can only assume that people who would disagree with me are just too intimidated by how right I am all of the time. So when I got 5 notes from the same guy who doesn't like Obamacare, this is exciting.

After McDonalds I started doing streaming video prostitution. As a "webcam model" I could count on making $60 a day. I could make quite a bit more than that if I was up for it. I can't tell you what kind of hours I was working. Because I didn't get paid to prepare to work, time becomes all jumbled. I worked for myself, I could take tax exemptions for all of the computers I bought to stream my high quality pussy squirt on the tubes, and I paid for my husband's health care in cash. That was much more capitalistic than McDonalds.

Jobs are bad. Fuck jobs. I don't care if the hours for people's jobs are cut. I hate jobs. Maybe that makes me an anarchist, but I don't think so. I don't think jobs are good for us. I think Americans should be entrepreneurs. That's why you and your job creators are stupid. Capitalists create their own jobs. They justify their own existences. I don't support most job creators. The biggest job creator in the United States is Wal-Mart.

I don't understand why people think that the government health care death panels exist but the private corporate health care death panels don't exist. You might be amazed to discover that private health care companies are for profit corporations. Private health insurance companies deny people for health insurance all of the time. Actually, Obamacare forces them to stop turning people away for not being profitable! Why does everyone trust health care insurance companies not to kill grandma to raise money for stupid, frivolous absurdities like the Papa John's guy who says he can't raise the price of individual pizzas by 14c to pay for healthcare while literally living in a castle with a moat?

The private sector is lying to you and making a villain out of the government.

The United States is a young country. Humans have invented more crazy shit in the last 75 years than we have in the last 75,000 years. Our entire situation of humanity is unprecedented, essentially, but the US doubly so. So we have attempted to establish democracy here, after killing all of the natives with our alcohol, smallpox and firearms. I think democracy works, but my standards for democracy are pretty low. I think democracy is better than monarchy and that's all that matters to me. So don't tell me that democracy sucks. You suck.

You need to learn more about the law. I attempted to go to school for political science, but I dropped out. Schools are probably better than jobs, but I don't know how much better. I don't like that Obama supports schools, either, but spending-- tra--la-la-- it happens whether you want it to or not. We have to influence what the government chooses to spend that money on. We desperately need to redirect money being spent on destructive policies, such as the War on Drugs.

I am a one issue voter because I know a lot about drugs and Obamacare makes sense to me. Humans are specialized creatures unfortunately. I am pretty terrified about his international policy, but that shit is so secret there's no making sense of it. My only clues about foreign policy come from wikileaks, and Obama is clearly waaaaay more intelligent than GOP at those evil schemes, so... that's something, I guess. Obama killed Bin Laden and wins at foreign policy automatically.

The law is ridiculous. In Florida, it is illegal to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. Recently, buttsex was illegal in many states, and I think it still is in a few of them. Facism exists when stupid laws like drug laws (or tying alligators to fire hydrant laws) are selectively enforced. Facism happens when the law has enshrined a common victimless crime, so then the police can arrest anyone they want.

Since so many people smoke weed, everyone can be a criminal, even the fucking president. (who never inhaled!) Obamacare is good because it envelops more of the people in the legitimate capitalistic exchange of drugs. We desperately need to do something to make legitimate substances competitive with black market drugs, and Obamacare does that.

Obamacare distributes safer alternatives to the crystal meth and PCP moonshine already exploding everywhere-- the pressure of science has busted the dam on hundreds of new medicinal and recreational mood-altering drugs being invented with which the law cannot possibly coherently keep up with. Grey and black market drugs are not taxed. Right now too many Americans are addicted to bootlegged drugs that avoid generating any legitimate revenue for anybody and instead generate revenue for terrorists and bankers who retire offshore.

Building a real drug market can single-highhandedly reverse our deficit. We the country of big tobacco. And more drugs for everyone does not have to be horrifying. Even nicotine is becoming safer to use and the new ones can be used safely too, IF we sell and regulate them wisely. And only if. I think Obamacare is a small step for a better direction.


panshiko: (Default)

November 2014



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